Going..Going..but yet we're still here

Please do not take anything in this post seriously, if you are one of those people, do not, I repeat DO NOT turn the page and continue reading.



AND WE'RE OFF!!!!!

Not quite 'to the races' or 'like a herd of turtles' but yes, after a brief stop in the time out chair, we are once again moving.
It seems wherever you fit, if you have kids, or are yourself a student, school is once again in session. Me, I fit both categories. My oldest will be going back to school next week, but I got to start today. Yup, got my barbie-doll back-pack, my tonka truck lunch box, and my brand new box of crayons!!!! o.k so that's not true, they won't let me bring crayons to school, some new "no-tolerance" rule, or is it the "no adult left behind" rule? I don't remember, but anyway, they say no more colorful boxes of joy once you reach your second semester. I know-totally rude, but what can you do? After all, I'm only paying an arm for books, a leg for tuition, but I understand,sacrifices must be made, no more crayola!!
I was kinda bummed tho, and got to school about half hour late. I don't quite understand what happened-I waited and waited at the end of my driveway, but the bus never showed up to get me, I cried inside. My husband came home about then, and calmly explained to me, that when you become a growd up-you have to take yourself to school. So-no more 'wheels on the bus' or smelly bus drivers, no more fighting over the back seat, but I guess I don't have to worry about missin the bus either-or maybe I already did.
So anyway-too much stress can cause an overload of hilarity. Your funny bone becomes a source of something past funny, almost borderline fuzzy wuzzy.
So-back to the original point-uh....
What am I doing here? How did I get back here? Exactly what am I doing? Where are my pills? Elvis is back AAAHHHHHH

Ever had one of those days when you really just wanted to take time off of adulthood? For the most part, it's pretty fun,but then there are those days when you've had so much grown upness going on you just want to scream!!!!!! Time to get out the barbie dolls and tonka trucks,and retire to bed before the sun goes down.Unfortunatley, it's not that easy. Instead, you take plenty of deep-breaths during the day,try not to rip those last shreds of hair out of your head,and hours after the sun finally goes down-it's bubble bath time.Guys-you know you like the bubbles too:) by the time you do get to bed,all you can think of is how tomorrow is gonna be pretty much the same as today,maybe a little less stress,but you know? today wasn't really all that bad afterall.So you were a little more busy,and a little less prepared than normal-so goes life.
If you have to-think about it this way,if you did go back to childhood for a day,yes you would escape all the heaviness of adulthood,but you wouldn't be able to enjoy that bowl of icecream after 6p.m!!!!!!

The hardest part.

Sometimes we think the hardest part of loving another human being, is when they don't give that love back to you. Sure, it's not easy, loving someone who doesn't care as much-or in some cases at all-for you. When you spend months,years,or decades in a relationship giving all you have,heart and soul (not to mention that part of your life you will never be reimbursed for) and they take everything you have to give, and stomp on it it really really sucks. Being faced with the fact that nothing you can do will ever make this person change, or love you the way you love them, or even care just a little bit about you, can make you feel like the world has ended. Your heart will break,and chances are pretty good you're gonna spend some time crying. You will feel empty for awhile, and you are perfectly justified in doing so-I mean, come on!!!!-You just poured yourself out completely, wasted your time on something that unknown to you was non-existent. Yup, it sucks for a minute, and it feels like the hardest thing you will ever go through.
BUT IT'S NOT!!!!!!!
It may be slightly difficult to believe that anything could be harder than that, but it's true.
The hardest thing you will ever do is actually love someone with everything you have and experience them loving you back just as hard, and as loyal as you love them. When they know they hold your heart in their hands, and they take special precaution not to squeeze too hard.The last thing in the world they want is to see you hurt, let alone be the one who does the hurting. It's hard when you want to take everything bad, feelings or actual pain from someone, when you want to erase anything in their life that caused bad feelings, and you are unable to do so.It is even more difficult when they want to do the same for you. Then there are those times, in the course of building your life together something bad will effect the both of you, and you fight over who gets to take the bad from who,who gets to be sheltered, and who will do the sheltering, because you both want to bear the burden for the other. When you fight, and go to bed that night with everything finally taken care of, but wonder if maybe you shouldn't have said that one little thing, and will they remember that part or the part where you ernestly apologized for your actions and words?
When you start paying attention to your actions and words towards another human being because you love them so much you want to be the last person to even come close to hurting them, it's hard. When you realize the fight you are having is not his or her fault, but a combination of a need to protect each other, and a way to convey anger without hurt, it gets hard.
To give and receive the same amount of love, trust, and companionship is a very difficult thing to deal with-although it should be the easiest, and most comfortable. No matter how difficult it may be though, it is also the best and rewarding thing you will ever go through.

Just stuff

All over, there are unhappy people. Souls who cannot find their way.Lost and wandering in the darkness they hide, afraid.
Trembling souls. Unhappy, scared, and crying.
Who am I to enjoy this life? Who am I to be happy?
Who am I? How can I find happiness when so many are crying?How do I dance when so many are drowning.
The whore of Babylon?
The two bit prostitute?
The scared little girl incapable of love?
For a moment in time, I was the drowning one.For a moment in time I was lost.
At the end of that moment, although it seemed so long, came the clarity.
Strong as a bolt of lightening.
Subtle as a butterfly kiss. In the midst of the darkness came a small ray of light, slowly turning into brightness.
I am no longer a soul trapped in the darkness, no longer drowning, but ALIVE!
I CAN BREATHE.
No more dark, muddy water filling my lungs.
No more wondering Who I am.
I am happiness.
As the sunshine filters through the trees, the butterfly wakes from it's cocoon to find it's wings.
I will fly.
Flying so very high.
As I leave the lost souls, I soar.
Into my happiness I float.
Higher, higher, I can breathe again.
You set me free.
And so I fly.

I would love to be able to say I started this blog with some profound political statement, but that's not gonna happen. That said, let's see... what do I have to talk about?
O.k, so last week, my husband was involved in a car accident,yup-totally sucky.Car was totalled,hubby wasn't:) I have been receiving an education on exactly why people talk so badly about insurance companies tho-they are certifiably horrible creations from hell.
Other than that- it's just been normal-well for around here anyway.Never a dull moment with four kids running through the house. The three oldest are boys, the youngest-a girl(obviously) and now she's determined to do everything her brothers do. nothing is more hilarious than watching her run through the house chasing down the boys, mimicking every move they make.
Well, the flood gates have reopened, so the gatekeeper must get back on the clock.